Northwest Profile # 138

Okay,

I'm fucking exhausted. I want to get back on the original dialogue track. I can't working these hours, not now.
I still want to give you something new though. Fuck Nora Ephron, how is she considered a good writer of modern dialogue? I've been having fun expanding two characters I created 2 weeks ago. I just start writing them, not knowing where they are going or where they will end up at, but it's fun to write them. I was reading something about "When Harry Met Sally", how that diner scene really cuts into the pathos of men & women. I call bullshit. I made Michael & Veronica have brunch. It's not finished, but here is a new post at least.


Characters:
Michael. Late 20's -early 30's. Handsome, if not a bit brooding.
Veronica. Same age range as Michael. Attractive, yet very agitated here.
Server. Young, bubbly female blonde. Irritatingly effervescent.

Production Notes:
(We find Michael and Veronica, our 2 primaries from the previous act having a late brunch. It's a few weeks after our initial scene, and the two have been seeing each other on the sly.)
Scene 1:
(mimosas and cups of coffee. Plates with egg yolks and hollandaise sauce. Veronica keeps looking over her shoulder, glancing around the room as if she's about to be caught doing something bad. Michael stares out at the sidewalk. A bus goes by.)
Michael: You know those ads on the side of busses? The Northwest profiles?
V: Pelco...Petco? Something like that...Sure.
M: Who are these people? Do you know anyone that fits these profiles? Goat Renter Guy? Roadside Chainsaw Sculptor Dude? Marymoor Park Off the Leash Dog Lady?
V: I know a girl who refuses to run her dog on a leash at Greenlake...She lets that little damned dog of hers run roughshod all over the place.
M: Mmmm, yeah? What they really ought to do is acknowledge their target demographic. How about...Ballard Manic Sexual Orientation Changing Lady!
V: (looking over her shoulder) Very funny asshole.
M: Or Capitol Hill Dirt Bag Black Metal Hipster!
V: Those guys don't buy insurance, wasted ad money.

Crossley-02
M: First Hill Film Blogger Dude That Can't Connect with Ballard Bisexual Lady. I Like that one!
V:(Amused but still not laughing.)You know, you're more funny when you aren't at work. When you're on the line, you're just mean. I never knew you wrote a film-blog, I never knew you did anything besides leer at waitresses and find new taboos to try to shatter. You should really focus more on being you...Not this...I don't know, umm asshole all of the time.
M: It's a persona V. If I didn't pretend I was someone else in that place, I would lose my God damned mind. What am I supposed to do? Internalize that place? Take it seriously? Fuck no! Everyday when I clock in... It's like I'm an actor reading from an internal script. The persona I created is witty, competent, never loses face. All he needs is his ingenue.(Gesturing towards Veronica.)
V: (Looking again behind her back, then leaning in to speak low.) You know what my persona does currently Michael? My persona play acts at not knowing you at work... It acts like this isn't really happening between us. My Persona should get nominated for it's portrayal as a liar as it told it's girlfriend that it was going through some turbulent times and needed to stay with it's sister for a while, to you know...Just figure some things out.  My persona is carrying condoms and is back on birth control. That's pretty rich. Apparently this persona of mine is straight!
M: Cher Chez La Femme... It applies to both of us, that's one of the things I like about you.
V: What?
M: Cher Chez La Femme... an old crime story device, it means "find the girl" it's usually the root of the problem. I believe it was Henry James who...
V: It's too early still for metaphors. Honestly. You want another mimosa?
M:Coffee.


Crossley-03
V:(finding an excuse to again scan the room.) Where the Hell is that waitress?
(The waitress, seeing that she is needed puts her pointer finger up in the air to signify that it will just be one moment as she deals with another table.)
V: Oh my God... You're checking out our server aren't you? You are such a predictable little motherfu...
M:(interrupting abruptly) I was trying to get her attention. It's usually better to give a visual cue than shout "Hey Lady!" You should know that, being a server yourself. Besides it's a natural reaction for me to notice the goings on in other restaurants while I'm there. For instance, our server is fucking that busboy.
V:(intrigued) Which busboy?
M: That Hawaiian looking one over there with the shaved head. (Pointing.) Don't believe me? Watch them together when he walks over.
V: (sucking in through her teeth) Jesus, do you think that we're that obvious?
M: No V. I'm an asshole to you at work.
V: You're an asshole to everybody.
Waitress:(Country accent) Hey... Sorry, I had to get their order in, they've been waiting for awhile. What can I get for you two Lovebirds?
(At the same time)
V: We're not in love!
M: We're not birds!
Waitress: Hmmm...Okay. Well then, sorry I misread that in you. I'm new to the city, having a hard time figuring out how to talk to people. I hope you don't mind, I'm...
M: Nah...We're Restaurant peeps too. You don't need to apologize to us.
Waitress: Well that is SO exciting. I never know what to say to people here, they always get so offended when you address them like they appear.

Crossley-04
It's like people around here don't like being "figured out" or something. I had a table the other day... Two boys in flannel shirts with nose rings, I saw the nose rings and thought they'd be cool guys, I mean, Gosh they had tattoos and everything! (Like this detail is amazing!) I asked them, "What can I get you two dudes to drink?" and do you know what?  They got up and left? It turned out...(She leans in and whispers with an air of conspiracy) That they were lesbians.
(Michael looks Veronica directly in the eye and over acts a guffaw, Veronica just glares at him.)
Waitress: Well, I see you guys are cool... What can I get you? Another round of mimosas?
M:(Forgetting his coffee.) Sure.
(Waitress leaves to go get the order. Michael and Veronica look at each other with confused bemusement.)
V: What the fuck was that?
M: That... Was pure country. I bet she's from Wenatchee.
V: Why?
M: Just ask her when she comes back with our drinks.
V: You were totally checking her out, and that makes you a bigoted lecherous pederast.
M: Whoa! Why for pederast?
V: She can't be more than 18.
M: She doesn't need to be more than 18 to excuse me from pedophilia V.
V: You can be such a pervert sometimes it makes me si...
M:(interrupting.) Wait a minute I want to revisit how I'm a bigot exactly. I heard you throw that one in there too. She's just a little lost bumpkin in the biggish city, She'll be rocking American Apparel and popping her chach at a Mad Rad show in no time, just wait. Besides, She reacted to them reacting to her. That's not bigotry.

Crossley-05
V: No, that's just plain ignorance. And you were totally checking her ignorant ass out. Why do you like those young stupid girls?
M: I don't like young stupid girls. I like alot of different things about women, their age is the least important factor.
V: Why do you always date young girls then?
M: I don't...Persona again, it's a characteristic people assume about me. I can only date older women.
V: What do you mean by older exactly? I'm your age I think... How old are you anyway? Why have we never talked about this?
M: My face is pretty youngish, my tattoos are faded badly, you do the math.
(The waitress comes back by the table. Two more mimosas.)
Here you two lovebirds go...Oh, Sorry. I mean, (feigning a serious accent) Here you two acquaintances go.
V:(To the waitress) Where are you from?
Waitress: Couer D' Alene, Idaho. And it's a long way back home. (The Hawaiian busboy walks past the table and she follows in pursuit) Let me know if ya'll need anything else!
V: So... You lost that bet. Back to the women issue. How old is the "oldest" girl you've ever dated?
M: Dated?
V: Slept with then... Asshole.
M: Forty two I think. I think older women are far superior in bed than younger women there's just that... Nah, nevermind.
V: There's just that what? Attachment issue? Is that what you were going to say?
M: No. Not at all. I find that to be more prevalent among the younger ones. Older women are better because they know what they want and how to get it.

Crossley-06
They don't hold too many delusions about what's happening exactly. There's just the metric issue.
V: What the fuck is the metric issue?
M:(embarrassed) Well... Bear with me for a minute... Take a girl in her mid-thirties right? That girl was born in the 1970's, sexual mores being what they were then, this girl came of age in the early 90's... How many different partners do you think an average person has in a year?
V: What's an average person? Shit I don't know...In your 20's about 8 to 10. Maybe, but that's not considering...
M: Okay, so a woman is 34 years old right? Lets be lenient and say she started having sex at 18, which in the 90's is not very plausible, but still... That's 18 years of penis.
V: Actually that's 16 years but...
M: 16 years, whatever... Do the math, 16 years multiplied by 8 to 10 dicks per year still comes out to about 150 dicks. That's like a quarter mile of cock if you laid it all out in a straight line...
V: I don't know who's dick you're measuring with...150 of the dicks I've seen wouldn't fill a bath tub.
M: Mathematic impossibility. If the average penis is 9 inches and you add...
V: You're penis isn't 9 inches.
M: This isn't about me. It's about this fleeting thought I had.
V: I think I'm beginning to see the issue here.
You feel a need to overcompensate for something, so you use it as an excuse to downplay others. Judge them. That's pretty weak Michael.
M: It's not a judgement... It was just a fleeting thought I had. It got in my head, & it wouldn't leave.

Crossley-07
so everytime I was with this woman, I couldn't help but think of how many other people were inevitably there before me.
V: And how you stacked up next to them no doubt...
M: If I'm being honest, then yes. I have to tell you that I didn't want to be thinking about that, it really killed the moment for me.
V: So young girls don't stir up the same "fleeting" thoughts huh?
M: I don't even know what that means...
V: Were your thoughts "fleeting" to the methed out farm hands our server has likely served back home in Idaho? Or is that just not an issue to you?
M: Back to the waitress again? Really? Sounds like you have something you're over compensating for now.
V: (again looking around the room, but more to see if the server is out of earshot this time) That whole "We're restaurant peeps...It's cool." thing you said to her was hilarious for its obviousness. I can tell that you want to fuck her.
M: She's fucking the Hawaiian busboy, remember?
V: (Pausing.) Jesus. I'm sorry. Is this what life really is? Is it all about who you're sleeping with? I thought I had it figured out a little better than this. It keeps boiling down to the same few issues over and over again. I really thought I had myself figured out. That this wasn't going to be a repeat of the same mistakes I keep making over & over again. But now here I am in this place with you, my girlfriend is being lied to, you're distant and non-committal. What you and me have Michael is nothing really. We get out of work, meet in a secret place, drink beer and sleep with one another. I wake up the next day hungover and reeling in guilt. We fuck and that is it... That's exactly what it's starting to feel like too. Fucked.


Crossley-08
M: Vern, you have to understand my trepidation. I've never once left a girl in better shape than I had found her. I like you, always have since the first day you walked back in the kitchen with your hair hanging down & I yelled at you to put it up in a ponytail. The whole time you were with Chef I was smitten, cursing him for saying things about you. He never saw what he had. I did. I wanted you badly. I knew you weren't making a conscious decision that night you went home with me at the Redwood. But I had to take what I could get. I had no idea you had a girlfriend... Jesus Christ, I had no idea you liked girls.

Act 1 scene 3 coming soon.